Things That I Can't Stand
How Not To Treat Members of Multiplicity Systems

It hurts when outsiders tell me I'm just an act. I think, I feel, I dream. I am real, by every sense of the word. 
Nothing drives me crazy quite like people insisting one of us becomes another of us. No, I still exist when I'm not front. I'm inside, not dead. 

It really angers me when singlets use co-fronting, matching likes, or any other dumb thing as “proof” that we aren't multiple. Yes, Miakoda and I like similar music. Yes, you will hear two voices or a blend of voices if two of us co-front. Yes, Miakoda and Lilly are both allergic to carrots. These things prove nothing. Don't people like similar things to their friends? If two people talk in the same room, I hear both of voices. Don't health concerns run in families?

I hate when outsiders insist on using our legal name despite knowing who's front! I have a name. I like my name. I would appreciate it if people didn't try to force another name on me. I'm fairly certain my headmates feel the same way about their names. 

It's infuriating when outsiders ignore me until the one they want to talk to is front. I'm a person too. Talk to me, I won't bite. I promise.

I can't stand being asked “Who's the real one?”. Easy! ALL of us are real.

I hate when singlets or even other multiples cram us in to a little box labeled “D.I.D.”.  We're not dissociating, we're not just a bunch of identities, and we function in quite an orderly fashion. We're farther from “Dissociative Identity Disorder” than most singlets I know. How can our mere existence as a group be a “disorder”? I have nothing against D.I.D. systems. I just don't like labels that don't belong to us being applied to us.

It drives me up a wall when outsiders, including other multiples, insist our abuse is where we came from. We're in here, and have been in here the whole time we've been in here!  We're the best to know where we came from. It's as if we aren't valid if we existed first and were abused later. The abuse scarred us, but it certainly didn't make our system.  It also implies that a person is their abuse. 
Sorry to disappoint, but I was born here when the body was born.

I can't stand being called an “alter”, a “personality”, or a “part”. I'm a person. I'm not somebody's “alternate personality”, and I am definitely not a “part” of somebody. I am a somebody entirely of my own. I am a person.
The fastest way to enrage any one of us is to throw that god awful word “fragment” at any of us!
In our system, these words are about as bad as any other slur. They're used by “normals” and therapists to convince the people in a multiple system that they are not people, just symptoms, so they won't object to being killed off in a process called “integration”.
The absolute worst excuse is the phrase, “But I need a way to differentiate you from real people”. 

I am tired of “When will you go to a therapist?” and “Will you be integrating soon?”.
First off, if any of us did seek a therapist, it wouldn't be for being multiple and it wouldn't be any outsiders' business. Second, no, we have no intention of killing off all but one of us. Asking a question like that really just says “I can't stand that there are many of you. Fix it.”. That doesn't make any of us feel good at all. 

I can't stand singlets pitying me. “It must be so hard not knowing what's going on” or “It must be frustrating fighting for time outside” are some of the most degrading things frequently said to me and mine. Being one of many in a single body is all I've ever know. I've never been a singlet. Quite honestly, I can't imagine what it's like to have to be front 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, without one second of a break. I  can only guess it might be nice to dye your hair if you wish, but I can tell you it's a life saver to step away from a toothache for a while when waiting to get to the dentist. It's also an amazing experience to take my loved one out of that same toothache and give her a break.

I hate when singlets assume my change in mood is a switch. No, if you just ticked me off and I got mad at you, I'm mad at you. That's just how life works. Make somebody mad, they're mad. Singlet or multiple, everyone has hot buttons and breaking points. 

It drives me up a wall when people insult my headmates to me.
My headmates are my family. Don't trash talk my family!

So if I hate all these things, what is it I do like?

I love it when somebody takes the time to ask me my name when meeting me the first time, especially if they had just initially met someone else in my system. This is the best first step in getting me to like you! If you don't recognize when I'm front, no biggie. You can ask.

I love it when a friend not only misses me, but asks if I can come front. This really shows that I am worth something to somebody as an individual.

I love it when singlets ask when they don't know or understand something.

It really makes my day when somebody wants to talk to me and leaves a message with whomever was front at the time. If I can't come front for one reason or another, I can still get back to you later on. I'm a person, if I'm not here, I'll return later.

It really brightens my day when somebody actually remembers something about me instead of only remembering my group. 

Phew. Glad to get all that off my chest.
All I want from outsiders is to be treated like a person and valued as one. Why? Because I am a person.

Luna Diana Combies
The JC Klatch

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